Mothers' Day 2007

It was a beautiful day. The sun shined brightly and a cool breeze blew over the lazy stream, lifting its rippling, peaceful sound the back porch, still covered with potted plants from the funeral a week before.

Family gathered to eat food, address thank you cards, and find support in one another's arms. Despite the beautiful weather, the peaceful surroundings and the supportive company, fatigue registered on every face in the house.

Only the day before, Mike, Kim, Andrea and Kent started the difficult task of cleaning out Alex's apartment. They brought home boxes and bags of clothes, shoes, pictures, and personal items. They even found two pair of boxing gloves that were put to very good use on the front lawn. Kent effectively beat his uncle in a cage match.

Some of the cousins went to shoot clay pigeons at Grandma Anita's house. 100 pigeons shatter from the shotgun blasts. The other hundred broke upon impact with the newly planted bean field, uninjured by the attempts to pick them out of the air. A couple hours later, the group returned to the house with sore shoulders and ringing in their ears.

A tally of families who contributed cards, plaques, wind chimes, food, and flowers continued to grow to over 160. This doesn't even include the numerous donations to the Christmas Fund at the school.

So many mixed emotions. So many unanswered questions. So many loving thoughts and words.

The First Mother's Day

Please remember Kim tomorrow during this difficult day. We will all gather, write thank you notes and celebrate the day together. I'll give you an update after the day.

A Long Time Ago

This picture was taken about 1986 in the Shaffer's back yard. Kent (on the left) and Alex (on the right) were attempting to get as high as possible.

The entire swing set would tip back when they got going at full speed!

A Jungle of Memorials

The family gathered back at the house following the funeral dinner. The mortuary staff brought two full van-loads of flowers, plants, wind chimes, and quilts to the house and we spent the next few hours sorting the various gifts from so many well-wishers.

It was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon. We read cards from children in Kim's class and laughed and cried. One child offered all he had to make things better; he taped a nickle and dime to the card. We hefted Peace Lillies and daisies from the van to the counter to the table to the floor to the porch. We held one another and cried. We told stories and laughed.

Saying Goodbye

The newest estimate for the number of visitors Friday night has gone up to over 700. We doubt we will ever know the exact count.

The funeral on Saturday was attended by more than 200 people. 50 cars processed to the grave-side service and no one wanted to leave when it was over.

In the coming days, I will post details here about the funeral, the family dinner, the jungle of plants and flowers that were sent to the funeral home, and so much more. But for now, I want to thank you all for your prayers.

Death is always a harsh reminder of the value of life. On the way home last night, my oldest son shared how this event has rekindled his love for his family and his desire to never take it for granted. This sentiment was felt throughout the car and throughout the past two weeks.

As we all said goodbye to one another after the funeral, we shared laughter and hugs and tears and vowed to gather again next week. We will write thank-you notes, sort plants, and celebrate Mothers' Day together. Every moment will be precious to us...and in that there is no doubt.

Calling Hours

I am always amazed at the study in emotion and coping styles that calling hours offer. This day was no exception.

At one point in the day I noticed, very near the casket, a group of friends embrace the family. Tears flowed freely. Gentle words exchanged. A strong hand placed on a weak shoulder. Each one, in turn, took time to face Alex. They dabbed wet cheeks and turned away.

In the middle of the room rows of chairs held an ever-vigilant group of family members. All in shock. Silenced by their grief. Occasionally whispering encouragement to their clan. Weeping together as waves of pain swept over them.

To the left of the piano stood a gathering of young people. Young people who knew Alex. They were there because they loved him. They were recounting stories. Laughing. Crying. Then quiet.

Each person stood and waited their turn in a line that ran out the door and continued for six hours. School teachers. Co-workers. Classmates. Aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Friends.

If you were one of the 550 people who came to pay your respects today, thank you. Some of you could not be there and we understand. You were truly missed. It was a wonderful, horrible day. So many of you shared your sense of shock. So many more shared your deep sorrow. A few shared a prayer. Everyone offered a hand shake or a heart-felt hug.

You were a blessing and your presence is a testament to your love for Alex and his family.

Thank you.

Arrangements

Arrangements have been announced and the family wishes to share them with you.

The services will be at Thornburg's Memorial Chapel in Parker City, Indiana.
Calling hours are Friday, May 4, 2007 from 2:00 - 8:00 p.m.
The funeral will be Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 10:00 a.m. with a grave-side service to follow at Union Cemetary.

Memorials may be sent to:

The Larry Hall Christmas Fund
c/o Monroe Central Elementary
10421 W. State Road 32
Parker City, Indiana 47368

The MuncieStar's Obituary is quite touching: http://orig.thestarpress.com/articles/9/057264-2889-010.html

A Hard 48 Hours

As some of you know, the past two days have been the hardest for Alex's family. It began Monday morning when they entered Alex's room to find him "posturing". This is a very bad sign. After some questions to the nurse, the doctor came and met with Kim and Anita. He informed them that they had finally been able to assess his neurologic condition and that the news was not good.

The doctor told them that there was a very small chance of any meaningful recovery.

This, of course, sent waves of sorrow throughout the family. Mike, Andrea, and Kent came back to the hospital to speak with the doctor in hopes of gaininng clarification. They were joined by Alex's grandmother and grandfather and two of his uncles.

When the doctor came into the Quiet Room on Tuesday morning, he had no new information. The brain had suffered a terrible injury. The medical teams spent the first week just trying to get his breathing in line and so they had not had the opportunity to assess his neurological status. The next week was spent trying to stabilize the pressures in his head and the rest of his body. It wasn't until Sunday that they were able to clamp off the drain and evaluate his brain's response.

Unfortunately, fluid was continuing to collect around the brain and his body was not able to absorb this. The doctor was very pointed in his discussion and helped answer some of the family's remaining questions. In the end, he restated the most devastating news, "He has a minimal chance of any meaningful recovery." At best, Alex would spend the rest of his life in a nursing home being cared for by others.

The family cried, held each other, and prayed. But in the end, everyone was in agreement that this would never be Alex's wish. In fact, the family was convinced that he would be mad at us all if we chose this for him. The primary concern was that Alex would not suffer any pain. The doctors assured us this would not happen.

In the end, the family determined to honor Alex's wishes and in the process help save the lives of others. The Organ Donation Team was called in. It took quite a while to find all the necessary matches but at 12:35 a.m. this morning, they took him to surgery. At least some good came from this horrible event.

The family is heart broken and your prayers are still appreciated. Please honor the family and Alex by remembering him today. If Alex ever told you a story - and he had many - share it with someone else. My favorite was his class field trip to the slaughter house. I've never laughed so hard in my life.

We will keep you informed as arrangements are made.

A Long Day

This has been a long day for the family. They are visiting Alex and loving one another. There isn't much change in his physical status and they are trying hard to support one another. Please continue to pray for peace and strength.

You will never know how much your words, cards, email, and letters have meant to the family. We will bring you up to date as soon as we know more.